Everything seems right, only empty inside. As if I'm talking not to a person, but to a reflection of myself - slightly embellished, slightly adjusted, but still not real.

I don't play at love. I choose to feel.
And these are not big words. This is a choice that is not given right away. Because to feel is to be vulnerable. It is not always beautiful. It is when you do not smile "automatically", but are truly angry, happy, jealous, bored. It is when you do not want to pretend that everything is easy, if your soul is in turmoil. It is when you are not afraid to say: "it is important to me", even if it suddenly becomes awkward.

I used to try to be "convenient". Responsive, positive, a little mysterious. I played roles I didn't even know I had. Someone said, "Be simple," and I tried. Someone asked, "Don't complicate things," and I clenched my fists. And then I realized: the more you try to please, the further you move away from yourself.

Now I don't strive to be perfect. I strive to be real. It's more difficult. But more honest. Not to pretend if you don't like it. Not to be silent if you care. Not to agree out of fear of losing. But just to be — with warmth, with sincerity, with an open heart. Even if they don't applaud you for it.

To feel is not about suffering. It's about being alive. About the ability to notice: how someone smiles when they read your message. How their voice trembles when they're worried. How their eyes light up when they're interested. These are little things, but that's what makes up closeness. Real, not drawn.

I don't care how many messages a day. What matters to me is that there's something to be silent about. So that the soul can be felt behind the words. So that the meeting does not turn into a game of “guess my intentions”, but becomes a dialogue between two people who have their own wounds, their own path, but a similar desire - to not be alone.

I don’t know if it is possible to feel all this through the screen. Maybe. Or maybe not right away. But I believe that if you stop playing and just be - someone will definitely respond. After all, each of us, deep down, is not looking for the ideal. He is looking for someone with whom he can be himself.

Here I am - just a person who does not want to seem. Wants to feel.

And if you are reading this - perhaps we are already a little closer.

Nata