Because there is a voice inside. Not someone else's. Yours. Only it speaks in someone else's words. About how it should be. What you should. Who is better to be. That you shouldn't want too much. That you are too sensitive, too dreamy, too alive. And you begin to restrain yourself. Without an audience. Just out of habit. As if freedom needs to be earned 🤷‍♀️

Sometimes I catch myself: I choose not what I love, but what is “not shameful”. Even if no one is watching. As if I have a whole hall with invisible spectators inside me, who clap if I am “correct”. And if I choose to be myself, they are silent. Or judge. Although these people do not exist at all 😅

But you know what is the most offensive? That I am my own main censor. Not the world, not society, not anyone there. Me myself. My own brake. My own overseer. Although I can be whoever I want. But to do this, I must first honestly ask: what do I want?

And this is the most difficult question. Because you can’t run away from it. It is not asked in the noise, it comes in silence. When no one bothers you. When you are alone. When honestly. When you are truly free. Or almost.

And when was the last time you did something just because you wanted to? Without benefit, without meaning, without approval? Just because something inside whispered: "I want"?

Write. I really want to know.

Natasha