Different, seemingly sincere, not from the “everyone is talking” series, but with intonation, with attention. But inside — empty. No smile, no response, nothing. As if the words pass through me, leaving no trace. And it’s a little scary.

I’m not against attention, on the contrary. It’s nice. It’s always been nice. But at some point, I don’t know when exactly, something happened. And now, when I hear “you’re so beautiful,” I feel like I want to turn around and say: “yes, so what?” 😶

How can I explain this feeling? It’s not resentment, not bitterness, not fatigue from communication. It’s just — silence. Inside. As if those very words that used to make my cheeks blush and my heart jump, no longer work. Not because they’re bad. Just because… empty. Or so it seems to me.

I started to wonder why that is. Have I really changed? Or am I just full? 🤷‍♀️ Maybe when you live alone for too long, you start to look at the world differently? When there is no one to tell you honestly how you look without filters - not with their eyes, but how they see you. How you sound when you are silent. How you smell when you are worried. These are the details. Without them, everything becomes superficial.

I don’t expect fireworks from every word. I just want at least something to feel real. As if the person saw not only the shell, but me. With my oddities, with internal distortions, with a voice that sometimes trembles from nonsense, and a laughter that sounds too loud 🙈

Sometimes I think: maybe I’m just tired of words? Everyone talks so much. Especially now. Words are on every corner. They are thrown around like small change in a crowd. But who today can speak QUIETLY, honestly, simply, truly? Not because they have to, but because they feel it?

I'm not sad, by the way. On the contrary, I feel very warm inside. I just want a different quality. Not "you're beautiful", but "I feel at home with you". Not "you have beautiful eyes", but "you look at me in a way that makes me feel uneasy" 😉 Do you see the difference?

I guess this is growing up. Or... getting used to it. When beautiful packaging is no longer news. And you expect something that will not be repeated. That will be just for you. Because you are not random. Because you are real. Because you are the only one.

Have you ever had this? When you hear that you are being praised, but inside there is silence? And what did you do about it? 🤔

Natasha