But then I realized I do this with everyone. Even my best friends. Even people who probably would listen if I gave them the chance. I've trained myself to always say "I'm fine" because that's the socially acceptable answer. That's what keeps things running smoothly.

And I'm wondering if that's why I feel so lonely sometimes. Not because I don't have people in my life, but because nobody really knows what's actually going on inside my head. I've gotten so good at the performance that even when people are right in front of me, I'm still completely alone.

It's like I'm waiting for someone to ask in a way that breaks through my automatic response. Someone to ask and actually mean it. Someone to ask and wait for the real answer instead of the polite one. But how long do I wait for that? And what if nobody ever asks that way? 💭