Like, I was telling them the version of me that I thought they wanted to hear, not the actual truth. And it hit me that I do this all the time without even noticing it. I soften the edges. I make myself smaller. I pretend I'm more confident than I am. 💭

The weird thing is that I thought I was being kind by doing that. Like, I was protecting them from having to deal with my actual anxiety and uncertainty. But that's not kind. That's just dishonest. And if I'm doing it with people I care about, what does that mean? It means I don't actually trust them with who I really am. It means I'm more focused on managing their perception of me than on actually being real with them. 😞

I think I've been so afraid of being a burden—of being too much or too broken or too uncertain—that I've become a person who never actually shows up as herself. And the people around me don't even know they're getting the edited version. They think they know me, but they're just seeing the performance. And I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of performing. 💔

Why do I think the real me is less acceptable than the version I keep inventing? I don't know the answer yet, but I'm starting to ask the question. And that feels like the first step to actually being honest. 🌙