Not sad, exactly. More like... confused? 😅 Because part of me feels like I SHOULD be upset, like society tells me this day matters so much, but another part of me is genuinely okay? Maybe even relieved? I didn't have to stress about what to wear, whether he'd like his gift, if the evening would be awkward...

But then at 11 PM I suddenly thought - wait, is this what my life will look like? Just me, alone, every February 14th, convincing myself I'm fine? 💭 And that scared me a little. Not gonna lie. Because what if I'm just making excuses for not having anyone? What if "I'm fine alone" is just a defense mechanism?

Though honestly... I'd rather spend it alone than with someone who makes me feel MORE alone, you know? Like, fake romance sounds worse than no romance at all. At least when I'm by myself, I'm genuine. No pretending, no forcing smiles, no wondering if he's actually happy to be there 🤔